A place for odds and ends that I want to share :)
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Men who are progressive, profeminist, or allies to women — we have to constantly check ourselves. We have to be open and listen to women and sometimes respond by taking a backseat and not encroaching on female space in ways that are kind of natural to us. It’s so integrated into who we are as men: to take center stage, to lead, to be out front, to not really understand the power dynamic that’s at play. I think it’s really important for all of us men who are progressive and who are working to eradicate sexism and all the other social ills out there to be a lot more cognizant of our presence in these circles and spaces.
A partner may give consent without desire because they feel obligated to or because they don’t feel confident enough to speak up. Consent without desire cannot be considered consent if an underlying and unspoken pressure or obligation exists.
Nice Woman is Rejected Multiple Times. Does Not Gain Homicidal Urges.
…I’ll go on being
Women should not be made to feel guilty for what men do or feel. By implying that boys are unable to control themselves around girls’ bodies, we are pandering to a culture that very often shifts blame from men to their female victims. This encourages impressionable young minds (particularly as we are talking about school dress codes) to think that women are in some absurd way responsible because of their ‘inappropriate’ or ‘suggestive’ clothing for sexual crimes, rather than making it clear that each individual is responsible for their own actions. It prioritises boys’ education over girls’ comfort and implies that the student whose education and wellbeing we are most concerned about protecting is the male.
I will always miss you the most.
There’s always been a sort of bullshit message out there that was conveyed as supposed conventional wisdom: that women will root for a man as a protagonist and identify with him, but men won’t root for or identify with a woman protagonist. I think that’s a whole lot of B.S. and I hope that this movie has helped show that it’s a bunch of B.S.
You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.
If more men said “don’t be that guy” to each other instead of “not all men” to women… what a wonderful world this could be.
These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’
Girls need to understand that it’s okay to be single. You don’t need a guy to make you happy. You’ll find that special someone eventually.
We don’t know if Elliot Rodger was mentally ill. We don’t know if he was a “madman.” We do know that he was desperately lonely and unhappy, and that the Men’s Rights Movement convinced him that his loneliness and unhappiness was intentionally caused by women.
Because this is what the Men’s Rights Movement does: it spreads misogyny, it spreads violence, and most of all it spreads a sense of entitlement towards women’s bodies.
Pretending that this is the a rare act perpetrated by a “crazy” person is disingenuous and also does nothing to address the threat of violence that women face every day. We can’t just write this one off – we need to talk about all of the fucked up parts of our culture, especially the movements that teach men that they have the right to dominate and intimidate and violate women, that lead to this, and we need to change things. Because if we don’t, I guarantee that this will happen again. And again. And again.